10%

I have lost 10% of my body weight since 12/28/12. My weight loss since then is 24.6 pounds! My overall weight loss since I had Hudson (19 months ago) is 45 pounds. Wow. I feel soooo much better at this weight than I did 45 pounds ago. I am so glad I only gained 9 pounds during my pregnancy. I think it would have been a lot harder to get to this point if I had gained any more than that.

Goals:

• Start now. Later, you'll wish you had. - Met 12/28/12
• Give up tea, cokes. Drink water - Met 12/28/12 with the occasional relapse with Diet Sprite (not too bad!)
• Lose 20 pounds and buy a new bra - Met 2/22/13 (lost 6" in band size)
• Lose 10% by Mother's Day - Met 3/15/13 (2 months early - I think I wasn't very optimistic at first)
• Lose another 10% by 6/7/13 (12 weeks from now)
• Buy new clothes after the second 10% (shorts, skirts, tops)
• Lose another 10% by 8/30/13
• Get fitted for new jeans (good-bye "mom jeans")
• Keep going!

Hudson is waking up from his nap. Time to cut this short but I just didn't want to forget how I feel right now. I've come a long way but I've got a really long way to go. Can't stop now!

...And we're back!

What can I say that hasn't already been said a million times? I need to lose weight. I need to be healthy to live the best life I can with my family. I need to care about myself enough to do the right thing even when it's so hard. 

I rejoined weight watchers again. I have a group of friends online - who I met through buying and selling Hudson's clothes on facebook - who are also trying to get healthy this year. I really feel like this time is different (I don't say this every time). I haven't been as stressed about trying to lose weight as I usually am. I'm taking one day (sometimes one meal) at a time and trying to make the best choice I can make. 

I have spent the last year making sure my child knows how to eat and enjoy the right foods. He's an awesome eater! He loves vegetables and has no idea what candy or fast food tastes like. I would like to keep it that way for as long as possible. He's now at the age where he wants whatever I have... my drink, my food, my phone, the remote. I have been really embarrassed lately that I don't want to give him what I'm eating or drinking because it's not something I ever want him to eat. He will ultimately do what I do, not what  I say. I have to change. I have to eat like I expect him to eat. I want him to break the cycle of obesity in my family. 

New start weight: 231 (251 - highest)

Goal #1 - 10% loss - 208 by Mother's Day - May 12, 2013

terrible picture of me but good motivation

Need to remember!!

I really liked this post from Stuff Christians Like... exactly what I needed to hear! Don’t overkill your resolutions. 

When I was a kid, my grandmother had a simple rule about taking us out to dinner: She’d pay for your meal if you ate the whole thing.

What I learned early on was that my eyes were often bigger than my stomach. Especially at cafeteria-style restaurants where I could grab plates of food as I walked down the aisle. Spaghetti? Yes. Hamburger? Yes. Bread sticks? Yes. Cake? Yes. Pie? Yes. I grabbed and grabbed and grabbed until I could barely carry my tray. It was too much, and trying to eat everything I had access to just to finish it usually made me sick.

The same thing happens with our goals. We brainstorm crazy lists of resolutions and then try to accomplish all of them. We don’t come up with a collection of five great goals. Instead, we come up with a collection of 50 good goals. And then, they all clamor for our attention all at once, and we drop all of them.

This Friday, we’re all going to share on this blog what we’re going to work on for FinishYear. Instead of listing 25 things you’re going to knock out, I challenge you to be a surgeon with your list of resolutions.

Cut and edit and remove again and again. As you look at your short list of goals, you might even feel lazy. I did this week as I worked on my Finish List. One of my goals is to read one non-fiction book a month in 2012. That’s only 12 books! In 2011, I started at least three times that amount. But, how many did I actually finish? Probably less than 12. I know it sounds crazy, but the voice of laziness is going to pipe up as you get ready for FinishYear. Fear hates the idea of you finishing something that matters to you, and fear will use any distraction to knock you off course. Ignore that voice. Having only a few goals doesn’t make you lazy. It makes you focused.

And if you only remember one thing from this post, remember this:

The worst thing that happens if you start with too few goals is that, mid-year, you realize you completed them all and you get to add more.

The worst thing that happens if you start with too many goals is you get overwhelmed and quit working on all of them.

Question:Have you ever tried to accomplish too many things all at once?

I'm back...

Since my last post...

I found out I was pregnant November 28, 2010 and gave up on the weight loss dream for awhile. I did find myself eating better for the first couple of months but it tapered off more quickly than it should have. I fully expected to gain lots of weight during the pregnancy. I didn't. I actually lost weight until the third trimester and ended with an overall gain of 9 pounds. I feel good about that. My weight at time of delivery was 251.2. Now, 6 weeks later, I am 230.2. Not bad.

I've avoided pictures for a long time and especially during my pregnancy. Since he's been born, and I've lost 20 lbs, I don't avoid the camera as much. BUT... why do my mirror and my camera not agree on what I look like???? This is so frustrating. I feel good when I look in the mirror, but I want to puke when I see a full body picture of myself.... I'm glad I'm not the only one who has realized this... I found this online...

Breaking Free

I had a great childhood. My parents are still married and deeply in love. I've had nothing but love, encouragement, support and acceptance from my family and close friends all my life. So I don't really know why I'm overweight. I talked to my mom about it for a long time tonight. I was insecure as a child and had some unexplained depression in my teens but never realized it at the time. I look back and see it but I had no idea what I was actually feeling when I was in the middle of it. I feel like I am more aware of things like that now.

I am doing a bible study with the ladies at my church - "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore.

I have known for some time that I have lost control over my eating and desire to take care of myself. This study really addresses the bondage of sin and oppression of habitual sin. It's awesome. You should do it. Period.

God, I am in bondage to food, overeating, and inactivity. I will not "make peace" with my sin by saying and thinking "I've just got fat genes... I'll always be fat... my family loves me anyways... I'm ok with who I am...". I need you to heal my "want to". Make me hate the things that are bad for me and love You more. Deliver me from this bondage as I grow closer to You.

Psalm 40:8 - "I desire to do Your will O my God, Your law is within my heart.". I want to want to break free from my bondage and habitual sin.

1 Corinthians 10:13- "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted He will also provide THE way out so that you can stand up under it."

God, help me make it through my moments so that I can make it to my milestones. Help me to be transparent and secure in who I am in You and the rest will fall into place.

Current weight: 245.6

Hi again...

I've done really well the past few days with eating right and exercising. It feels good. I'm hoping it's not just a phase... but then again I guess that's ultimately my decision. I've got to figure out how to eat healthy and live a healthy lifestyle. At this point I really don't care about my weight or size. I just know that one day I want to be a mommy and my kid(s) will learn how to eat from me... that's scary!! If I can't figure it out now then I definitely won't do it after I have kids because then I'll have even more excuses than I already do.

I'm almost 10 months out from quitting smoking and yes it was pretty life changing. I've got a lot more freedom than I used to. I can now ride in the car with other people for long periods of time without killing anyone. I can go on a weekend trip with my parents without trying to sneak out for a cigarette as to not disrespect them (I would NEVER smoke in front of them). I have been able to be more honest about my nasty habit since I quit than when I was still in the middle of it. My husband quit a few months after me. He was never really a heavy smoker or "addicted". He's the kind that could still have one every now and then and not "start back". *I* am not one of those people.

The down side of quitting.... extra weight.... ugh. I'm fatter than ever but my lungs are healthy! Right now this doesn't seem like a good trade-off but I know it will be. I know that I can get this weight thing conquered. If I can quit smoking... I can lose weight!

weird...

I've kind of been in self destruct mode recently. I couldn't care less what I ate and preferred to lay around and do absolutely nothing any chance I got.

A friend of mine who is struggling with fertility recently went to see a Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner (TCM). She returned with tons of great information about nutrition.

I don't know why but it must have rubbed off on me :). I haven't started back to weight watchers or counting calories or anything like that. I'm just making better choices and being more active. I think that's something I can do long term.

So I've learned that I like salad. Dustin has always liked salads and he makes them look so good but I've just never been one to enjoy a salad. While grocery shopping the other day, I actually thought... "a salad would be good for dinner one night". And then I thought... "did I really just think that???" So I've been eating salad for the past couple of days.. and lots of it. Yes I am putting some shredded cheese and croutons on it and I am not using fat free dressing. BUT it is has to be better for me than the Guthries snack or the Big Mac meal that I would usually gravitate toward!

Also on the food front... The other night, I wanted to grill chicken tenders to go with my salad. Dustin asked for his fried. Usually I would just give in and fry it all. Not this time. I had him grill my chicken (he's a better griller than me) and I fried his (I'm a better frier than he is). I enjoyed it! I didn't even *wish* I had the fried!

ANNNND [sorry, I'm a little excited]... last night while D was working, I could feel the late night munchies coming on. I knew I had 2 packs of klondike bars and 1 un-opened package of cookie dough (my weaknesses!). What did I do??? I picked up the cookie dough. Looked at it long and hard. Put it back and got a cup of peaches (that I had bought for D but he didn't want because they had added splenda and not natural.) I told myself that if I was still "hungry" after the peaches I would eat 1 piece of cookie dough. I wasn't and I didn't!

I've also found myself wanting to walk more and enjoying it. I'm learning that I don't have to walk 2 miles at a time. I can do 15 - 30 minutes and it's still better than sitting on my behind!